The Sceptics’ Creed

For this spoof of the Anglican version of the Nicene Creed I apologise to all those who Altman a sense of humour: ———- [All stand] We believe in some gods, like Professor Ian Plimer, writer of ‘Heaven and Earth’, of all that is mean and not green. We believe in some lords; John Christy and in Richard Lindzen. Endlessly they are proven wrong and yet still, from their shite we recite, true lies from sad guys, opinions, not facts, of one thing we are certain, through them all truths were made. For us and for our salvation they came down from science: by the power of our human folly, they became embedded in ideology, and made their plan. For our sake they were crucified by climate scientists; they suffered ‘death’ and were ‘buried’. On the third day they rose again in accordance with the sceptics; they returned to their jobs, and are seated in academic tenure. They will come again in future to fudge the reason and the facts, and their soapbox will have no end. We believe in the wholly spurious, our god, the slither of doubt, which precedes our judgement of evidence. With the money and the vice it is worshiped and glorified. It is supported through the profits… We believe in one wholly cynical and irrational church. We acknowledge one purpose; for the pursuance of greed. We look for the perpetuation of growth, and the life of the World to shun. Amen. [Please be seated] Copyright © Rick Altman 2013